The Power of Evil
by whateverimcurrentlycalled
Summary: Duo is captured by OZ during a joint mission with Heero. Heero rescues him quickly, but OZ have changed Duo, perhaps irreversibly, and the consequences could have a drastic effect on all the pilots... suggested 3x4, eventual 1x2
1. The Machine

_Ok, well, heres to another fic, hopefully a fairly decent one, though im not gonna pretend to be some amazing writer, cos im not! If you can cut me a little slack for wierd phrases, or things that arent quite as good as they could be, id be grateful. I did originally have this fic part way up on this site, which some of you may remember, but hit a huge snag, and ended up removing it cos i was at a complete loss as to what to write next. however, i found it in a folder in my bedroom yesterday, and finally found the inspiration for the rest of it i had been waiting for for over ayear now. its all planned, ive written all but the last 2 chapters, and hopefully by the time we get to the last chapters, ill have written those too._

_Constructive criticism is welcome, as is any comments about how wonderfully brilliant this fic is! (though i wont be expecting many of those XD). I think this chaptr iqs quite short in the grand scheme of things, since im not too good at long chapters. hopefully theyll get a little longer as we progress through the story, heres hoping. And now, to the story itself..._

**Title:** The Power of Evil

**Author: **whateverimcurrentlycalled

**Pairings:** suggested 3x4, eventual 1x2

**Rating:** T (i think...please, please let me know if i have rated it wrong. i dont wanna get this fic removed just cos i made a mistake...)

**Disclaimer:** i dont own any of Gundam Wing at all...sadly...**=(**

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Chapter 1 – The machine**

"Maxwell, hurry up!" Heero shouted, but the sounds of gunshots round the corner he had just come from drowned him out. They were on a mission in an OZ base, but the guards had found them during their escape. Much to Heero's annoyance, Duo had gone Shinigami on him, and seemed to be having so much fun shooting everyone and everything, that he wasn't bothered about running away.

Abruptly, the shooting stopped.

"Finally…" Heero muttered under his breath. He didn't show it, but Duo's shinigami tendencies annoyed him. He stood, waiting, for the braided bakas head to appear round the corner, grinning manically, but it never did.

Heero slowly headed back to the corner, looking cautiously round as he reached it. Duo was held by the arms between two OZ guards, and judging by the way his limp body hung, he was in a bad shape.

Heero began to follow them silently down the corridor, studying their every move, waiting for Duo to be left alone so that he, Heero, could rescue him. Again. Duo was always getting caught, but he never got down about it. That was what really annoyed Heero. Sighing inwardly, he continued to follow the guards and Duo down the corridor in perfect silence.

* * *

Duo was vaguely aware of being carried down countless corridors, and eventually being dumped in a soft chair. A soft chair? What was going on? Were the OZ being nice? Almost as soon as these thought began to take root, he was strapped down into the chair. Ah. Not so nice after all. He heard voices nearby, so he strained to listen to what they were saying.

"So you got one of the Gundam pilots." The voice was low and guttural, but very commanding. Whoever it belonged to was clearly in charge here.

"Yes. We brought him straight here to the machine. We thought you would enjoy doing the honours as soon as you could." This voice was higher, but still a mans voice. One of the young guards he had previously been fighting, he assumed.

"Hmm, yes. I shall rather enjoy it. Let's start him off with 50…"

The voices trailed off. They were too far away for Duo to hear now. A machine they had said. He opened his eyes and looked around. He could see some kind of machinery suspended above him. He didn't know what it was, or what it would do, but he knew that in the possession of OZ, it wouldn't do him any good. And he knew that whatever it was, in his current state, he wouldn't be able to fight it. As this thought crossed his mind, his eyes closed once more, and he was dead to the world.

* * *

Heero watched as they strapped Duo to the chair. He didn't know what they would do, but the heavy machinery above the chair Duo was strapped to didn't look like it was built for the pleasure of whoever was sat in that chair.

A guard and a man who seemed to be in charge here were coming down the corridor. They were talking, but he was too far away to hear them. He moved closer.

"I shall rather enjoy it. Let's start him off with fifty percent and see where that takes him. Such a young boy shouldn't need much more than that to permanently alter the 'good' side of his brain" Both men laughed as they continued down the corridor.

Heero winced inwardly as the gravity of those words set in. Alter part of Duo's brain? He knew he had to free Duo, but even the perfect soldier couldn't force open the thick doors that were the only entrance and exit to the room Duo was in.

He watched, helpless, as the heavy machinery was lowered over Duo's head. Obviously there was an external control room elsewhere. Heero tore his eyes from Duo's limp and helpless form, and left in search of the control room, hoping he could stop the machine before too much of Duo's brain was altered irreversibly.

He ducked behind a pile of boxes as the guard and the man he had seen earlier came past, heading back to the room Duo was in. When he was sure they were gone, Heero continued in his search for the control room.

It wasn't long before he found it. It was a small room, with simple controls. To his dismay, he could see that whatever damage had been intended for Duo's brain had already been done. He searched the panel for something that would reverse the effects.

It didn't take him long to find the control that determined the percentage of damage done, and he was grateful to see it could go down to minus numbers. If he could just set it to minus fifty percent…

A movement caught his eye. The guard had unstrapped Duo, and was lifting his small form easily out of the chair. Heero could do nothing to help Duo right now, but he filed the information he needed in his brain so that, if the chance were to profess itself, he could return and do what needed to be done to undo the damage.

Quietly, he left the control room and made his way back down the corridor to the entrance of the machine room. Looking down the corridor, he could see the guard, with Duo on his shoulder, and he followed silently.

* * *

Duo felt…different. He didn't know what that machine had done, but he felt stronger, more powerful. Looking around, he could see he was in and OZ containment cell.

Why was it always him that got captured, not Heero? It wasn't fair…

'Duo…' he heard someone whisper.

He looked up. Heero was stood outside the bars, pulling them apart as easily as if they were made of paper. He walked into the cell and tried to pull Duo up from where he was seated on the floor.

"Hey!" said Duo indignantly. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to rescue you baka" Heero replied, his face showing no emotion as usual. That was so annoying. Couldn't he at least smile once in a while? Why did he always have to look so solemn and resigned?

"What if I don't wanna be rescued?!" Duo said, folding his arms stubbornly and glaring at Heero.

"You're being rescued whether you like it or not. I'm not having Quatre fussing all day because you didn't come back." Heero told him, and with that he picked Duo up, and carried him out of the cell.

* * *

Heero could tell something was not right. Duo put up a stronger resistance to him than every before, and why did he say he didn't want to be rescued? The baka was normally only too happy to be taken out of an OZ containment cell, and had never before offered resistance to Heero.

Soon after they had left the cell, Duo had stopped struggling against him and had gone limp. Heero had ignored this, carrying him stealthily back to their Gundams. He had taken Duo into Wing's cockpit with him, and set off, carrying Duo's Gundam, Deathscythe, in Wing's hand.

Duo stirred soon after they had set off.

"What happened…" he asked, bleary eyed.

"I just rescued you. We're heading back to the safe house." Heero replied

"Wha--? I don't remember…" Duo looked genuinely confused as he sat up.

Heero stared down at him. This was not like Duo. Duo was never confused. Something was very wrong with him, and Heero was willing to bet it had something to do with that machine…


	2. Lost Memories

**Well, heres chapter 2. Im glad to announce that i have now finished writing this fanfic, so there should be regular updates from now on, and no stumbling blocks! like ive said before, contructive riticism is welcomed, and ill try and edit following chapters if necessary to take it on board.**

**Thanks to wind dancer1981 for the review, and to all those of you who have favourited my fic, or added it to your alerts. every little thing like that is a confidence boost that people are actually reading this fic and care enough to do something about it! hope you all enjoy the update... =D**

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Chapter 2 – Lost memories

Back at the safe house, Quatre had started fussing over Duo almost immediately. Trowa and Wufei were on a mission and had not yet returned.

Heero had practically carried Duo into the safe house. The braided baka had seemed oblivious to his bad shape until he had awoken in the cockpit of Heero's Gundam. Despite his dislike of Quatre's fussing, Duo had not been able to deny he was in need of rest when he had nearly collapsed on Quatre, and had retired to his bed.

When Quatre asked him what had happened, Heero was unsure of what to say, Quatre worried about them all enough as it was, and Heero didn't think he needed something else to worry him. But he knew Quatre would be worse if he didn't tell him anything. So Heero recounted what he had seen and heard, his Perfect Soldier memory serving him well.

When Heero had finished, Quatre looked up at him, worry filling his wide eyes more than usual.

"What did that machine do to him…" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't know" Heero admitted. "But Duo is certainly not himself" Not that Heero minded the braided baka being quiet for once, not bouncing around the place like an annoying ball of energy, but he had to admit, he had grown used to Duo's antics, so much so that the place seemed eerily quiet without him bouncing off the walls constantly chattering away.

Quatre hung his head.

"What…do you think…is he…gonna be OK?" Quatre asked, a slight tremor in his voice.

Heero couldn't answer. He was unsure of what the machine had done, and of how he would fix it. He surprised himself when he found threads of worry forming in his mind. Since when had he cared about Duo?

Quatre correctly interpreted Heero's silence to mean that Duo was everything but OK.

"What are we going to do?" Quatre asked quietly, as if already beginning to admit defeat.

Heero hung his head. For the first time in his life, he didn't know what to do. He knew that time was of the essence here, but with no idea of what damage had been done, he had no clue as to what they could do to help Duo.

"I don't know Quatre, I really don't know". Heero replied, turning away as he felt tears form in his eyes. Tears? For Duo?

Heero didn't know what had changed in Duo because of that machine, but whatever it was, something had changed in him too.

When Duo awoke, his memories of the previous day were hazy. He remembered there had been a machine, and that at some point, Heero had carried him to his, Heero's, Gundam, presumably then carrying Duo's Gundam in Wings hands. He vaguely remembered Quatre fussing over him when they had returned to the safe house, and that he had gone to bed after giving in to Quatre's relentless worrying.

He could think of no explanation to piece together all this that made sense. The best he had was that maybe the machine had hurt him, meaning that Heero had had to carry him, and then Quatre had fussed over his injuries. But if that was the case, Duo would be injured, and he felt fine. More than fine even. He felt great. Try as he might, no other explanation came to mind, so he gave up trying. He'd get the others to explain when he saw them.

He got up, went to get dressed, and realised he had slept in the clothes he had been wearing yesterday. He looked at the clock. 8:30am. The others should be having breakfast now.

Sure enough, as Duo walked across the landing to go downstairs, the smell of Quatre's wonderful cooking reached him, and he smiled. Quatre was an amazing cook, and though he had never been officially named so, he seemed to be designated cook whenever they stayed together in the safe houses.

When Duo entered the room, a hushed silence fell upon everyone. Duo looked around. Trowa and Wufei, both sat at the table, were avoiding his eye. Quatre, who was stood cooking what he assumed would be his breakfast, had recently been crying, though he was trying to hide it. But it was Heero who surprised Duo, for he could clearly see worry shining in the perfect soldier's eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Quatre turned away, and Trowa and Wufei suddenly seemed to find staring at their empty plates an incredibly interesting past-time. It was Heero who finally spoke, after a short silence.

"What do you remember?" he asked, as Duo came to sit beside him.

"Well, I remember there being a machine" Duo began, taking the chair beside Heero. "But I don't know what it did or what it was for"

Heero said nothing, so Duo presumed he was to go on.

"I remember you carrying me to your Gundam Heero, but I remember nothing of the journey. And I remember Quatre fussing over me, and sending me to bed. Everything else is just a blur"

There followed another, longer, silence, in which Trowa and Wufei vacated the room, Quatre served Duo breakfast, and took the seat beside him. And Heero sat staring at the table. Duo could tell something was seriously wrong. He had begun to suspect things weren't quite right when he had walked in and seen Quatre's tears, and the worry shining in Heero's eyes, But now he was certain something was wrong.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, fearing he was not going to like what they told him. He had obviously missed a lot yesterday, and from the looks of it, very little of it had been good.

Heero was very concerned. Duo remembered barely anything of what had happened to him the day before. He was asking what had happened, but how much should he tell him? After a little deliberation in his own mind, Heero decided to tell him everything. After all, he had a right to know.

"You did your Shinigami thing when we were escaping" Heero began, "but the guards were stronger than you, and beat you easily. They began to walk away, carrying you by the arms between them."

Heero paused to make sure Duo was taking this in, and then continued.

"I followed from a safe distance. They took you into a small room, and strapped you to a chair under a machine. The machine was big, heavy duty, and I was sure it wouldn't bode well for you. That must have been the machine you remember."

Duo nodded, listening intently. Heero went on.

"I heard a guard talking to a man who seemed to be in charge. They were talking about the machine, and what they would do. The man in charge said they were going to 'alter the good side of your brain' using the machine."

Heero stopped. At the mention of altering his brain, Duo had begun to choke on his breakfast. Heero waited, while Quatre assisted Duo. When Duo could breathe again, he exclaimed;

"Alter my brain?!"

Heero nodded and continued once he was sure Duo was calm enough to listen once more.

"I knew there must have been a control room somewhere for them to control the machine, so I went in search for it, hoping I would be able to stop them before they could begin whatever maniacal alterations the machine would make. When I found it, however, they were gone, and the damage had already been done."

Here, Duo gave up trying to eat breakfast, as he began to choke for the second time during Heero's explanation. Again Quatre came to his aid, and Heero continued.

"I looked for a way to reverse the effects, but by the time I found one, the guard had already unstrapped you, and was carrying you to one of the containment cells. Again, I followed, and when the coast was clear, I came to rescue you."

Heero stopped. This was where he had begun to worry about Duo. He had not been himself. Should he tell Duo, or just tell him it was just a normal rescue. Again, Heero decided Duo had a right to know the truth.

"I began pulling the bars apart, so we could escape. When I came to take you out, you asked what I was doing. I told you I was trying to rescue you, to which you replied 'what if I don't wanna be rescued?' You sat glaring at me as if I was suggesting something horrible. In the end, I had to pick you up and carry you out. You were not acting yourself."

"I think I remember you coming to rescue me…" Duo muttered. Heero went on.

"At some point, you fell unconscious, so I carried you into the cockpit of my Gundam, and had Wing carry Deathscythe. You woke up about halfway through the journey, asking what had happened. You didn't remember anything. When we got back to the safe house, I had to practically carry you in. You were in a bad shape, hence Quatre started fussing over you."

At this point, Quatre took over the explanation.

"You had many bruises, and you needed help. Despite your protests, I cleaned you up, and told you to go to bed to rest. You protested still, but had to give in when you nearly collapsed. You fell asleep quickly, and none of us wanted to wake you, so we left you this morning so you could rest."

Heero watched Duo with concern. His eyes were wider than usual, and were full of horror and worry.

"What have they done to me…" he whispered, tears forming in his big violet eyes.

"We don't know Duo" Quatre told him quietly. "We don't know"

Heero put an arm round Duo, and pulled him close. Tears fell down the baka's face, and Heero held him tight, though he knew not why, rocking him gently, like a mother comforting a child. He would ask himself why later, but for now, he held him tight, waiting for the tears to stop falling.


	3. Losing Control

**OK, so heres another chapter folks. Hope its as good as the others, or even better would be great!**

**and on to the thankyous, which are vital in my opinion...**

**to Wind Dancer1981 once again for reviewing, Toola for reviewing and adding my fic to story alerts, Victory Is For The Week also for adding to alerts, Quibblez again for favouriting, as well as Via Lactea also for favouriting.**

**And now, for chapter 3... enjoy!!**

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Chapter 3 – Losing Control

Duo still wasn't himself for the rest of the day, but at least Heero was sure it was due to his worry than anything else. There had been no more 'evil' streaks as he had begun to call them.

After Heero and Quatre had explained the events of the previous day, Duo had cried for a full hour. To his own surprise, Heero had sat cradling him for the whole hour, but Duo hadn't complained.

It was strange. Ever since he had seen Duo in that machine, had seen him change, it was as if something had changed inside himself. He was, however, unsure of what it was as yet, but he was sure he would be finding out pretty soon…

Lost in these thoughts, he didn't notice anything was happening until Quatre came running in.

"You've got to…help…" Quatre managed. He was out of breath. Clearly he had been using up a lot of energy trying to sort out whatever it was that had happened.

"What?" Heero asked. "What is it?"

"It's Duo" Quatre replied, his breathing beginning to ease slightly.

"Is he hurt?" Heero enquired, worry seeping once more into his mind.

Quatre bit his lip and looked away.

"Not exactly…" he replied.

As Quatre said this, there was a shout from upstairs, followed by a thump. The shout had sounded like Duo, but the thump was too heavy to be him.

Heero leapt up and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

"Duo?" he called, and then ducked as something flew over the space where his head had been a second ago.

Ok. So Duo was having a Shinigami moment on then all. Hmm. Never happened before. A little unusual to say the least. Unless…

At once Heero recalled the OZ leaders' words:

_Permanently alter the good side of his brain._

Heero ran towards the source of the many flying objects, Quatre following close behind him, both ducking and dodging at nearly every step.

Duo's style might be a little odd, but you had to admit, his aim was good.

When he entered the room he believed Duo to be in, he stopped dead. The room was a tip.

The bed looked unmade, and a lot of the furniture lay on its side. There was broken glass on the floor, and it looked as if everything that wasn't broken or overturned had at some point been thrown at something or someone in the room.

Heero could see Wufei and Trowa in the far corner, but something was wrong. Wufei was slumped against the wall, unmoving, and Trowa was sat beside him, occasionally shooting furtive glances in Heero's direction.

Odd. What had he, Heero, done to upset Trowa?

Quatre's cry of "Watch out!" came just in time.

Heero turned, grabbed Duo's arm, simultaneously pulling the lamp he had been about to hit Heero on the head with out of his hand. He forced Duo to the ground, pinning him down so he could do no more damage.

"Get off me!" Duo shouted, writhing around in Heero's grip, determined to break free.

"No" Heero replied, a hint of anger in his voice. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting rid of you four. Something I should have done a long time ago" he hissed at Heero.

That confirmed Heero's worries. It was the machine talking now. Last time, Duo had passed out after a short while, but there was no guarantee that would happen this time.

Heero picked up the discarded lamp he had taken out of Duo's hand, intending to help Duo on his way to unconsciousness if necessary, but he needn't have bothered.

As he raised his arm to bring down the lamp on Duo's head, just hard enough to knock him out for a while, Duo stopped writhing, his eyes closed, and his body went limp.

Slowly, Heero put down the lamp and released his grip on Duo,eeHeero but remained alert. It was possible the baka was just acting, so that Heero would release him.

After a few minutes however, Heero was sure Duo was not acting, and he turned his attention to Trowa and Quatre, who sat huddled around Wufei's limp form.

"What happened?" Heero asked.

"Duo hit him over the head with the lamp" Trowa replied. "He's unconscious, but he should be okay. He'll be fine when he wakes up"

So he hadn't done anything after all. Trowa had been shooting looks at Duo.

Heero was relieved. As much as the baka was responsible for this, he didn't want him to be responsible for the death of one of his companions. It might be Duo's mind doing this, but Duo himself had no control over it.

While Trowa and Quatre took Wufei back to his room, and looked after him for a while, Heero carried Duo to his room, and sat waiting for him to wake up, dreading the question he knew he would be asked.

It was a full hour before Duo awoke, by which time Wufei was conscious again. Slightly dazed, but otherwise ok, the others had taken him downstairs to sit down, and no doubt Quatre would be cooking something up for dinner.

As Duo awoke and looked around, bleary-eyed, Heero sat dreading the imminent question.

What could he tell him? He'd have to tell him everything, but Heero didn't know how Duo would cope. He had had a hard enough time with the events of the previous day, and he hadn't hurt anyone then. Despite his Shinigami tendencies, Duo cared more than he was willing to admit about all of them, and Heero knew it would break his heart to be told he had knocked Wufei unconscious, even if he was fine now.

Duo's eyes finally came to rest on Heero.

"H'ro?" he mumbled, still fighting off sleep.

Heero didn't reply. He was still trying to formulate an answer to the inevitable question that wouldn't hit Duo too hard. There he was again, actually showing concern about the braided baka. This was definitely not normal…

Finally, Duo won the fight with sleep, and sat himself up in his bed.

"What happened?" Duo asked.

Heero didn't answer immediately. He came to the conclusion that no matter what he said, it would hurt Duo.

Duo seemed to realise something had happened.

"Heero, what did I do?" he whispered, clearly aware he had had another one of his 'evil' moments, and obviously dreading the answer he would receive.


	4. Feelings

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I should have updated yesterday, but there was so much going on it completely slipped my mind! To anyone who was avidly waiting for yesterdays update, sorry its a little late! Anyway, its here now, so its all good =D

It has also just occurred to me that i havent been putting any line breaks in the fic where i really should have!! apologies everyone! ill be sure to remember from now on...

Thanks once again to everyone who has reviwed, favourited etc my fic. id thank you all personally, but its getting to be a fair number of people, so those who have done such things, just be content to know youre included in this. and an advanced athnkyou to any possible newcomers this chapter. Hope youre enjoying it!

On to chapter 4...

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** Chapter 4 - Feelings**

"Is…is Wufei…is he ok?" Duo asked in a trembling voice.

Being told he had wrecked a room and thrown a load of stuff around hadn't bothered Duo too much. No it wasn't normal for him, but it could be repaired, fixed, cleared up.

Being told he had hurt someone however, that was an entirely different story….

"I think so" Heero replied. "He's downstairs with the Trowa and Quatre".

Duo was relieved. So Wufei was ok. But how would he react? What would he do? He must know what had happened the previous day, but would he accept that as the reason for Duos actions, and that Duo himself could not be held responsible for what he had done?

Dinner was eaten in silence. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei didn't know how much Duo had been told as yet, and Duo himself didn't know what to say.

Finally, he put down his knife and fork and looked up at them all.

"I…I'm sorry…" he said, his eyes dropping down to his now empty plate once more. "I…I didn't mean…" he faltered. He didn't know what to say.

"I know…" said Wufei quietly, taking everyone at the table by surprise.

Duo smiled feebly. So they forgave him, this time. But what about the next time, and the time after that, and the time after that? Would they just keep on forgiving him indefinitely?

He felt an arm around his shoulders, and with surprise, found it to be Heero's. Grateful, he rested his head on Heero's shoulder. He was even more surprise, yet pleased and strangely comforted, when Heero's hand began gently stroking his long hair.

* * *

Quatre smiled. He was stood washing and drying the dishes. Trowa had taken Wufei back upstairs after he had said he felt a little dizzy. Heero still sat with Duos head on his shoulder, gently stroking Duo's hair. This was the reason Quatre had smiled.

Since the mission the previous day, when things had not gone quite to plan according to Heero's explanation, Heero had seemed softer, kinder to Duo. He had never been one for physical contact, Quatre knew. And yet, still he sat, with Duo. If he didn't know better, Quatre would have said it was love…

Later, Quatre found himself sat alone with Heero. Wufei had gone to sleep instantly when Trowa had taken him to bed, and Trowa had retired to his own bed shortly after.

Heero and Duo had remained seated together at the table until Duo had fallen asleep, then Heero had carried him up to bed.

Now both Heero and Quatre sat, staring into the fire burning in the fireplace.

Quatre felt he should ask Heero about him and Duo. What better time than now?

"You've changed" he remarked, glancing at Heero as he spoke.

"Hmm?" Heero replied. He had been immersed in his own thoughts.

"You've changed. You and Duo, since yesterday, you seem, I don't know, closer somehow"

Heero stared at him. _Oops_, Quatre thought. _Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say to Heero Yuy… _But something softened in Heero's eyes, and Quatre could have sworn that he had seen a flicker of a smile on the perfect soldiers face.

"Yes…" Heero said slowly. "I've been wondering about that myself…"

Quatre waited for Heero to expand on that statement, but he didn't. Quatre got up and headed for the stairs to head for bed himself.

"Wait" Heero said.

Quatre turned back to face him.

"Yes?"

"Could I…I mean…Do you mind if I talk to you about it for a while?" Heero finally managed to ask.

Quatre was surprised. Heero Yuy, perfect soldier, wanted to open up to him. Well he wasn't about to refuse. He returned to his seat.

"About you and Duo?" he enquired. He figured that was what it was about, but he might as well clarify.

"Yes" Heero confirmed.

Quatre sat waiting for Heero to speak, but it was a long while before he did so.

"When we were on the mission, and I watched Duo with the machinery, I couldn't take my eyes off him for a while. He looked so helpless; I didn't know what to do."

Quatre nodded and motioned for Heero to go on.

"I dismissed it at the time as mere concern for a comrade on a mission. When we were back here, and you asked me if he was going to be ok, I'll admit I was more than a little surprised to find threads of worry forming in my mind, and when I turned away from you, I felt tears stinging my eyes."

He paused, turning away, and Quatre correctly assumed he had turned away to wipe away tears at the memory of the previous day. He waited patiently while Heero composed himself and continued.

"When he came down this morning, asking what had happened, I didn't know what to tell him. I guess…I guess I didn't want to hurt him. I began to worry again when his eyes filled with horror and he began to cry. Somehow, I felt responsible. I didn't realise I was holding him tight for a while. It seemed to be automatic, though why, I don't know."

"Because you cared, Heero," Quatre said gently.

Heero nodded a little and continued.

"Just before you came to get me this afternoon, I was thinking. Thinking that something had changed in me, as well as Duo, but I knew that whatever had changed in me had nothing to do with that machine. Again, I began to worry when you came to me about Duo, and when confronted with the mess he had made, I found myself more concerned for Duo's well being than the state of the room. When he passed out, and you told me Wufei would be ok, I felt a great relief that Duo wouldn't have to face being told he had seriously injured someone he cared about. I knew it would break him, and I didn't want that.'"

Quatre nodded. Duo probably would have broken down, judging by his reaction to the explanations Heero had given that morning.

"When I pulled him into an embrace at dinner, that was automatic too. It felt right somehow…I don't understand why I suddenly find myself with these feelings. My only thoughts now seem to be for Duos well-being…I…" he trailed off.

"Maybe you've just grown closer in friendship because of what happened to Duo." Quatre said.

Heero shook his head.

"It's more than that..."

"Then maybe…love?" he said quietly Quatre surprised himself at voicing that thought. Heero would kill him for daring to mention such a thing.

But Heero mumbled something that Quatre was sure was a 'maybe', before rising from his chair, and heading upstairs to his room.

So maybe it wasn't such a farfetched thought after all…


	5. Duos Thoughts

**well this ones a little shorter than the others. Just a little snippet of how Duos feeling about the whole thing right now. I think if i tried to make it any longer itd lose something that makes it work :P back to normal length next chapter, i promise!**

**Thanks to everyone whos read, reviewed, favourited, or alerted this fic so far. its great to know people are actually reading the rubbish ive written! Thanks so much guys!!**

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Chapter 5 – Duos Thoughts

The next few days were awful. I kept having blackouts, and being told I had had another 'evil' moment, or 'episode' as they were now being called. I guess I should be grateful I didn't hurt anyone again.

The others devised a system, or so they told me. Trowa, Quatre, or Wufei, would shut me in a room, depending on who was closest to me at the time, and they would hold the door until Heero came. Heero would pin me down until I passed out again, assisting me on my way to unconsciousness when he needed to. He stressed, however, that he only ever hit me hard enough to knock me out, and never enough to hurt me.

I averaged about one episode a day, but the length varied. I missed no more than an hour the second day, but the day after, I lost half a day.

The others didn't talk about it much, only ever enough to tell me what happened. They tried to treat me as normal, but they weren't getting on very well. I don't blame them. Quatre kept crying, telling me he was just having emotional issues when I asked him about it. Wufei was being calmer than usual, a kind of forced calm. Trowa was avoiding me, claiming he had work to do, and going up into his room to do it every time I appeared.

As for Heero…Im not sure what to make of his reactions. I'll admit to crying about this whole brain altering thing, I mean, it's a pretty big thing to handle. But every time, Heero is there, and he pulls me into a comforting embrace, slowly calming me down. It's not as if I mind, I've been attracted to him for a while now, but it's just not him.

He seems more openly emotional since that mission, and he's refused every mission offered to him since. He tells me he just isn't ready for another mission yet. Yeah right. What happened on our last mission wouldn't rattle Heero enough to stop him going on another mission. The others tell me he takes the time off so he can look after me. Quatre especially keeps telling me Heero cares about me, and that he worries a lot. I don't need Q-ball to tell me that. I can see it in Heero's eyes.

It's odd, seeing so much emotion from Heero. He's changed, I can tell. It's as if whatever emotional barrier held him back before had been broken.

Heero's been good to me these past few days. He really has looked after me. I must remember to thank him when all this is over.

Over…what if it's never over? This thing, this…change, sounded pretty permanent to me. What if I never go back to who I used to be? Or worse, what if I just keep spiralling down, getting further and further out of control? Oh man im scared. I don't want to be like this forever. I hate it.

Trowa is finding me hard to cope with. I know he's lying when he says he has work to do in his room. He can't handle me and my 'episodes' any more. Normally, I would kill him for being unsupportive, but I can't. Not this time. I can see in his eyes that he's sorry, that he wishes he could help, but he's overwhelmed. I don't blame him.

Wufei is being unusually calm. I think he believes that if he creates an aura of calm around me, it will help. I wish it would. I know he's doing it for me, and I thank him for it, but it makes no difference, I haven't the heart to tell him though. He's doing what he can, and I'm grateful.

Quatre, bless him, cries for me. He's my best friend, in as far as I have a best friend out of the four of them. He cares a lot about every one of us, and I know it pains him to see me like this. I also know he hates me knowing he cries. I've seen him, once, with Trowa. They were talking about me, and I stopped what I was doing to listen. I wanted to know how they felt. I needed to know.

Quatre told Trowa he was worried about me. He said that even Heero didn't know what to do or how to fix what had been done to me. Then he burst into tears. I never asked him about it, because I knew he didn't want me to know. It pained me to know I was hurting them all so much.

I hope…I really hope that this won't get any worse. I don't want to end up hurting them more than I already have. They try so hard for me, they really do, all of them. I only wish I could repay them, but all I seem to be able to do is blackout, cry, and sit on my own following this same trail of thought.

I suppose I should put my trust in them to find a way out of this, but Quatre had told Trowa that even Heero was at a loss this time. I don't want to lose faith, but if anyone could fix it, it would be Heero, so if he doesn't know what to do…

No. I mustn't think like that. I will trust them. They will do everything they can to help me. I must have faith in them, I must. Everything will be ok. It will just take a little bit of time…


End file.
